There needs to be a way of calling back emails sent to the wrong person.
1. When everyone is singing “Happy Birthday” and it all goes quiet when you’re meant to say their name.
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY something something, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!”
2. When someone passes round a card to sign and you have no idea what it’s for or whom it’s to.
Then when you read the card you feel like a stalker.
3. Trying to decide if you know someone well enough to go up and get some birthday cake.
“I smiled at them in the toilet once, I can definitely take a large slice.”
4. When someone does a poo and it’s really obvious.
“You’ve been in that bathroom stall for over four minutes now. So I really hope you’re doing a poo.”
5. When you do a poo and it’s really obvious.
6. When someone thinks it’s socially acceptable to microwave something containing fish.
We get you need your omega-3 intake of the day, but please, save it for after 5pm.
7. When you accidentally sign off an email with an “x”.
Or worse, when the person you were emailing thinks this is now a thing and you are doomed by forever signing off your emails to them with an “x”.
8. When you confuse the “reply” and “reply all” buttons.
They should really make these more obvious.
9. Or worst of all, when you send an email to the wrong person entirely.
You then send a complicated email explaining how although it might seem like you were bitching about your boss, there is actually another really annoying person in your life with exactly the same name.
10. When you’ve been working well all day and you have one little Facebook break — and your boss appears behind your shoulder.
11. When you leave the office at the exact same moment as another co-worker you don’t know that well.
“Hi… Oh, sorry, I actually just forgot my favourite pen and I can’t possibly go home without it.”
12. Trying to think of an interesting yet not too interesting answer to “How was your weekend?” every Monday.
You want to find a safe middle ground between “fine, thanks” and “I bumped into Craig from IT in a bar and we had sex.”
13. When someone has clearly stolen your food from the communal fridge.
“I don’t see how my grandma’s homemade brownies, in a clearly labelled Tupperware, could ever have been mistaken for sharing food.”
14. When you “accidentally” steal someone’s food from the communal fridge.
If you can’t beat them, join them.
15. When the PowerPoint doesn’t work and everyone in the meeting is just sitting there while the IT person tries turning it off and on again.
Until eventually someone resigns themselves to awkwardly pointing at their laptop turned towards the group.
16. When someone thinks that they have to speak at twice their normal volume to be heard on the phone.
17. Everything about conference calls.
Two groups of people on opposite sides of the world, talking to themselves and nodding at what sounds like someone trying to sing while gurgling.
18. When someone moans about some mess in the communal kitchen and it was definitely you.
“Ha, yeah, I hate it when people never put their mugs in the dishwasher… Who would do that?”
19. When your boss asks you for a meeting and you’re 100% sure you’re fired.
“It’s because of that time I accidentally pressed ‘reply all’.”